Motivate Your Children
To Have Children

We prefer the term 'tax-optimized family incentivization.' Our service helps you provide structured financial support to your adult children to remove economic barriers to having children. We create personalized plans that maximize the annual gift tax exclusion ($19,000 per person in 2025), making it financially viable for your children to start families in today's challenging economic environment—or as we tell the IRS, 'general family support.'

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While we can't legally enforce a 'no baby, money back' guarantee, we do provide a patented Grandchild Probability Assessment™ before you write that first check. Our statistical analysis shows that after receiving the full $19,000 gift tax exclusion amount, 87% of previously childless millennials suddenly discover their biological clocks are ticking much louder. The remaining 13% will at least stop complaining about rent for a few months.

Our clients typically use phrases like "helping with their financial future," "investing in family planning," or "removing economic barriers to family formation." We provide a handy euphemism guide with your welcome packet. Alternatively, just show them pictures of your friends' grandchildren until they're too jealous to judge you.

Entirely legal, incredibly desperate, but completely legal. The IRS allows individuals to give up to $19,000 per year ($38,000 for married couples) to any person without filing a gift tax return. Our financial specialists ensure all transactions are properly documented with absolutely no mention of 'grandchild production quotas' or 'fertility bonuses' anywhere in the paperwork. What you discuss verbally with your children while handing over the check is entirely your business.

Congratulations, you've completed the pre-work! Our research shows that children who have been subjected to years of passive-aggressive comments about grandchildren are 43% more receptive to financial incentives. They've built up an immunity to hints but not to cash. Consider your previous efforts as essential groundwork for our program's ultimate success.

Our Distance-Based Payment Structure™ automatically adjusts your annual gift amount based on proximity to your home. For example, within 5 miles = full $19,000; 5-20 miles = $17,000; more than 500 miles = a single $50 gift card with 'We miss you' written in the memo. The legal enforceability of this structure is questionable, but we've found the guilt factor is extremely effective.

Our Volume Discount Plan enables you to offer productivity bonuses for additional grandchildren. Popular structures include the '2-for-1 Special' ($28,000 for twins instead of the standard $19,000) or the 'Dynasty Package' (incremental increases of $5,000 per additional grandchild). Some clients have implemented a controversial 'First Born Premium' which we neither officially endorse nor actively discourage.